Sammy's Secret
by starglow71
Summary: AU. Wincest. Sam has a secret and it gets him hurt, next time it could get him killed. Dean wants to know what it is and he will do whatever it takes to find out. What is the secret Sam is keeping? Schmoop,Wincest, Some mentions of rape. Sam/Dean.


Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof but I do own Dante Finch, I created him for another story but just had to add a version of him to this story with our favorite boys.

**Warning: Wincest! Of course, I'm addicted to writing it. It's so much better than drugs could ever be!**

Plot: Sam's keeping a secret and, if this keeps up, it's going to get him killed, possibly Dean too.

How far will he go to keep it? And will it cost Dean his brother in the end?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It had been a hard hunt. Three dead and four alive, good results but not what they liked. Ones they had to live with.

Two children left parentless and numerous others missing that they would never find.

Dean stood by the trees while Sam drove them home, the others promising to take the kids to their family later, they knew where they lived. They would lie and say bear attack but hugged him and thanked him. Sam shuffled his feet and blushed, not used to victims thanking him, at least those of Wendigos. Once you set a thing on fire that looks human, even if it's not, in front of people they tend to freak and cringe in terror from you. So, yeah, not used to thanks.

He drove back to the grove and Dean stared at the blood on the ground, the caves nearby, lighter at the ready. He tossed it in and screamed in fury, such a messed up hunt, such a bad day.

Sam ran to him, knowing his thoughts. Dean hated losing victims; he had ever since Mom and Dad, and maybe even shared that feeling from Sam losing Jess. Either way, he blamed himself. Too slow or not driving fast enough to get here, or not interviewing witnesses enough, a million other reasons echoing in his brain telling him he could have done more, saved more of them.

Never mind that he had been six states away before coming here. Never mind that three of them had been already missing and dead before they had even caught the case.

No, it was Dean's fault and he could have done more.

Sam knew this and wanted to fix it, fix him, and knew he couldn't. It was Dean's way of thinking and he could only be there for him as best he could.

Dean stared at the flames and tears of rage flowed from his eyes. Sam came beside him, not touching yet. Dean wasn't ready. When he was hurting, he needed time to adjust; so touching just made him withdraw more. So Sam didn't touch, he leaned. He didn't make contact, just moved closer, hovering close to his arm and leaned.

Sam had a secret. He knew Dean would listen if he told him but now was not the time.

So he said nothing.

He just wanted to alleviate his brother's pain, if he could.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vampires and ghouls. Yeah, machetes worked on both but vampires were harder to kill with them, ask the Winchesters.

"You hurt him, I'm kill you bitch!" Dean shouted as a vamp pawed Sam and teased the skin of his neck with her fangs, sighing.

The vamp said nothing. Just kept nuzzling him and it scared and pissed Dean off. Sam shook in fear and his eyes stayed on her, never leaving her mouth. He whimpered and his blue tooth glowed, the vamp never noticed.

Dean did and internally rejoiced. Bobby. They had been talking to Bobby before coming here, Sam must have pocket dialed him when the bitch tackled him and left the line open. Bobby could hear them! Dean had to believe this. He didn't want to die knowing some vamp bitch was pawing and possibly raping, or worse, turning Sam.

If that happened, Dean would kill Sam then himself, he wouldn't be alone. Sam was all he had left and damned if he was going to let the guy die without him by his side, dying with him.

Dean thought about these thoughts. He was a deep thinker, often a deeper thinker than Sam or any of the others, they never knew it and he never told them, it was his secret and his to keep.

He knew these thoughts weren't normal. Brothers and sisters die every day and don't need to die together nor do they feel like they can never go on without the other. He knew he was feeling wrong, had felt this wrong for years but could never figure out why. He could have if he had thought about it more but he didn't. He may be a deep thinker but those were thoughts he wasn't ready to think yet.

"So pretty." The bitch said as she caressed Sam's face and body, touching his groin then she leaned in and said, "I know your secret, pretty man, should I tell him?" She knew it would hurt the pretty Hunter and his…brother? Hmmm…odd relationship there for such a feeling to be inside the man for his brother. She didn't say this out loud.

"No, please? Don't, I'll do anything but don't say it. Please don't tell him, I can't lose him!" Sam whispered back, and whimpered as she undid a button on his pants, undoing them enough to stroke him inside them with her cold hand. Sam cried at the contact but nodded, "Anything?" She asked pulling him out now, Dean knew where this was going but why was Sam so willing to tolerate it to keep a secret? He could tell Dean anything, he knew that. But what couldn't he tell Dean? How bad could it be?

Sam cried harder now and nodded, eyes on Dean's, shame and love in them. "Anything. Just let him go. I'll do anything. Don't tell him."

He watched as the vamp untied Sam and led him to a pile of hay nearby. Sam shook now and went with her.

"Prove it and I will." The female vamp said and Sam nodded, eyes on Dean. Dean nodded for him to keep looking at him, praying Bobby would come soon.

She pulled down his pants and sucked his hard, Sam crying and moaning, eyes still on Dean, hurting but resigned. Dean knew Sam would prove himself, to save Dean. They were willing to die for each other, why not be raped for each other? Dean was going to kill the bitch!

She moved above him now and rode him, small moans of terror and pain, mixed with pleasure, came from Sam, from both of them, as she rode him harder and his eyes began to close in prayer, so afraid inside.

"Sam, look at me!" Dean said and Sam returned to looking at Dean, so humiliated and ashamed. Dean didn't blame him. He blamed her, the _bitch_ raping his brother! "Not your fault, Sammy." He soothed but Sam sighed sadly and shook his head.

"Yes, it is." Sam said and cried, but still looked at Dean.

"It really is, Dean, if you knew his secret, you'd know it was all his fault." The vamp said between moans and rode him harder now, as Sam fought his orgasm, not wanting to release, not that final humiliation. It didn't do any good. He came anyway with a painful cry and sobbed.

"Now let him go." Sam sobbed and she nodded eagerly, keeping him pinned to the straw. "You promised." His eyes went back to Dean's, pleading forgiveness. Dean's telling him there was no need to ask.

"Hmm, I could. But you have to stay. My sex toy, so to speak." The vamp ran a nail along his stomach and Sam hissed. Closing his eyes to tears, he nodded.

"No, Sam! No, I'm going to kill you, you bitch! Get away from him." Dean shouted, still trying to work the knots loose and wondering where the hell Bobby was.

"No, he's mine now." She purred nuzzling his neck now, working him hard again. Sam cried silently, "Aren't you, pretty man?"

Sam stared into Dean's eyes and Dean saw such pain there, such shame. "Yes, I'm yours." Dean got the feeling Sam was saying it to him rather than her though. Love was there, too. Lingering in those hazel depths.

"Sammy, no!" Dean howled as a couple vamps approached him.

"Goodbye, Dean. I love you." Sam said brokenly and then the vamps hit Dean.

Dean felt the blows and had time to think, no, he's _not_ yours, bitch! _He's mine_.

Then he felt nothing.

Sammy let his secret doom him, it was after all his perogative.

It was his secret after all.

Xxxxxxxxx

Bobby stood over the two beds. One brother on each. He and the others had just got there in time to see them dragging Dean out unconscious and burst in to find the vamp having sex with Sam who definitely was not enjoying it and crying, laying there and complying, obviously this was the price that Bobby had overheard on the phone. Sam giving his body for Dean's safety. Another sacrifice the boys had made, as if dying wasn't enough, as if being almost killed wasn't enough, now this. Another low they would go for each other. If it saved the other, there was no low they wouldn't go to. It may hurt them and it may destroy something inside them but they would do it. There was no sacrifice they wouldn't make, none.

They cleaned them up as best they could and clothed them with clean clothes from the other hunters' bags. They moaned and had nightmares. They watched Dean sleep crawl off his bed with eyes open but not seeing and climb beside Sam, murmuring, "It's okay, Sammy, I'm here, Shhhh." Then closing his eyes and laying still, head against Sam's neck.

He never once woke up the whole time, comforting Sam even in his sleep, in their sleep.

Such devotion made the hunters' heart melt. Even hurt this way, they helped each other.

They had no more nightmares and slept peacefully the rest of the night.

Bobby waved the other off and smiled, those boys were going to be okay. They had each other and they had him.

He'd make sure to do whatever it took for them to be okay.

No one hurt his sons.

Gay for each other or not.

Yeah, he knew the secret but they didn't. Dean didn't. Sam would never say it.

Didn't make it less true.

He wouldn't tell them either.

It wasn't his secret to tell.

It was Sam's.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Bobby, we need to talk, Sam and I. Can you go ahead and go? We'll be along shortly." Dean promised, eyes on the bathroom where Sam had just went into, sneaking in quickly and not meeting Dean's eyes.

Dean was going to get to the bottom of this.

Sam's secret was hurting him, and Dean. It made him give into a perverted Vamp that he let rape him. He wanted to know what kind of secret would drive Sam to do that. It had to be a big one and he knew from experience that if Sam was willing to be a sex toy to keep it from Dean, he would be willing to die to keep it, too.

Dean was not going to let that happen.

Bobby said goodbye shortly after and they promised to call.

Then he shut the door behind him and went to talk to his brother.

Who was crying again, if he was hearing right.

Damn Sam and his fucking Secret!

Xxxxxxxxxx

Dean took the time to consider a plan here. Sam was never a nut easy to crack by any means. He hid shit and buried it. If he had been a pirate, no one would ever have found that treasure! Dean knew shouting wouldn't pry it out and pushing would just make Sam close up even faster, like a oyster and you would never get that shell open. No pearl for you!

So Dean debated how to approach this. Well, there was the wheedling approach, that usually worked…eventually. It took time and Dean wasn't feeling patient enough for that one right now.

There was the silent treatment until he broke approach, nah, the way Sam was acting right now, he actually wouldn't have ever broke under it, maybe run away or actually kept right on being silent, either way, not going to work.

Or he could just ask.

There was that.

But how to ask was the sticky part. Ask too soon and well, he got nothing. Ask too late, they brushed it under the rug again. He had to find the right time…or let Sam find it. Yeah, that would definitely work. Now he just had to get him to start talking, right after he got him to stop crying…which was not happening anytime soon.

Maybe a hug, or more cuddling. It wouldn't kill Dean to do it and he even liked to hold Sam, not that a million demons with a million burning pokers in his flesh would get him to admit it out loud.

Maybe a kiss, to his cheek or his hair, petting his hair, yeah, those worked. He liked those, too. They had worked when he'd been a kid, so maybe now they would, too.

But first he had to get him out of the bathroom.

Yeah, not happening either.

Go in with him? Maybe.

He'd be wet and naked, Dean heard the shower running. Was it worth it? He thought about this.

Yeah, it was. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen Sam naked before or wet. He actually liked to see him naked and wet. Sure, it was wrong to do but as long as he didn't say anything and didn't let Sam know these thoughts, it wasn't as wrong. They were just thoughts.

Once in there, did he sit on the toilet or…join him? Hmm…It would make Sam listen faster and let him know he was there. Otherwise Sam could ignore him all night when he got like this. So joining him in the shower, okay, that was doable.

Now with clothes or without, hmmm. Perverted thought there but did he want to end up with wet heavy clothes that he had to wring out? Not really, besides Sam had seen him naked before and they had bathed that way as kids, so what was the big deal? Sure, Sam was an attractive man, no, be honest, Sam was a very hot man, porn worthy even. Dean had even had a few porn thoughts himself about Sam when they were younger, hell, even now. Yeah, sex with Sam seemed wrong and perverted but wasn't unappealing, hell, a part of him liked the possibility of it.

Maybe it would help Sam if he tried?

Maybe it would hurt him?

Would the fact that he was considering telling Sam he had been in love with him for years hurt him more? Hey, where did that come from? He wasn't in love with Sam, it wasn't…well, maybe a little. They had only had each other and there were those weird feelings that differed from how brothers and sisters normally felt about each other earlier…maybe.

But in love? Maybe lust. No, not lust, it didn't feel casual or lusty. Dean knew what lust felt like; he was its slave a lot of time. He hadn't felt this before…could be love.

Damn, he felt trapped. Talk to Sam and possibly end up admitting he had these…feelings or risk Sam hurting himself again over some secret he really should have already admitted to Dean. Next time it wouldn't be rape, it could be something worse, like death. Rape was bad though, Sam should not have agreed to her demands! What kind of secret was worth that much pain just so Dean wouldn't find out it? Damn, what kind of secret inspired this level of suicidal thinking in his usually so level headed brother?

Screw that! Dean was going to find out and Sam was _not_ going to keep it from him anymore. He was not losing Sam this way!

He sat there and stewed about.

And stewed some more.

Never realizing the truth.

They both had the same secret and if they would only spit it out, they could fix the whole mess instantly.

That would be too easy.

Since when have Winchesters ever taken the easy way out?

Xxxxxxxxxx

Dean took a deep breath and went into the bathroom. He fingered the hem of his shirt nervously contemplating the clothing removal part of the plan he had made…well, not so much made as talked himself into really. He thought about going out and trying to come up with another plan but ended up swearing. Of course there wasn't another plan, he'd already have thought of it!

He pulled his shirt off with one tug before he lost his nerve then took the rest of them off, praying this would work. He didn't want to have to wring out his clothes after this. That was a pain in the ass to do, especially blue jeans; he could never get the water out them! At least that was the logic here, he could be wrong.

He opened the curtain slowly to find Sam sobbing into the far wall and went to reach for him, to comfort him, to somehow make him stop crying and talk to him, enough to at least work him up to tell him the secret he was keeping. His fingers barely brushed Sam's arm before he chickened out, moaned in disappointment in himself, and tried to leave before Sam noticed he had even been there…as if that were possible considering the trail of clothes he had left there.

He had barely moved when he felt Sam's reached out and grab his wrist. Dean turned to see Sam looking at him with pleading eyes. "Sam…" Dean sighed but stood there. Sam turned around to face him now, eyes still pleading.

"Don't…" Sam said, fighting his own tears. "Don't go." He moved closer to Dean but there was still distance there, they could still feel it there. They could feel it filling up with all the things they weren't saying to each other and keeping from each other. They knew how those distances felt, they had felt them enough over the years. Sam moved closer and Dean rested his head against Sam's chest, Sam's arms going around him.

"Sammy…" Dean tried to pull away. "Don't leave me, Sammy." Dean cried now. "I know you have a secret and I know she used it against you to force you to what she wanted you to." He sobbed now, "Please, Sammy, tell me! I can take anything, anything you have to say!"

He felt Sam's hand pull him closer, felt him shaking, crying, too. He looked up at him now, eyes pleading as well. "You keep this secret and next time the choice may be death, not rape, Sammy." He reached up and touched his face and begged. "Can't be without you, Sam. I can't."

Sam touched his face now too.

"Don't do this, Sam. Don't die on me, don't leave me that way." Dean held him tighter, "I love you."

Sam froze and Dean felt it. He looked up at Sam now, worried. "Sammy?"

"Say it again." Sam insisted quietly, eyes boring into Dean's , "But only if you mean it. Say it again!"

Dean mentally went over what he had just said Sam might want to hear and paled when he had found the part that Sam might be referring to. "Sammy?" Dean said surprised, unable to look away from Sam's eyes and felt funny inside, not used to it. Sam's face hovered close to Dean's now, almost touching it.

"Say it again, please! Say it again, Dean, please say it again?" Sam insisted, eyes hopeful now.

"Don't leave me?" Dean was afraid to repeat the rest. What was Sam getting at here? Sam was hopefully trying to hear something and Dean had an idea of what it was. Was that the secret? Dean wondered.

"The other part." Sam said softly, Sam thought maybe _he_ had heard wrong now.

"I love you, Sammy." Dean said leaning closer to Sam as well as well. "I'm in love with you, Sammy. I guess I have been for most of our lives and didn't know it." Dean's hands and eyes searched Sam's face, looking to see how he was reacting to his words. "Look, I know it's wrong and perverted, and you probably want to punch me or something but I had to say something." Dean squirmed uncomfortably now, "I'll leave if you want me to. I know it's all kinds of wrong and I just realized it a little while ago but it's still true and all I ask is you tell me this secret of yours. Otherwise, someone could use it against you again and maybe next time they'll kill you instead! Please, Sammy, we've never kept a secret from each other before, let's not start now. I will leave you alone, never touch you with my poisonous desires. Just tell me what was worth you getting raped or maybe killed over next time."

Dean touched fingers to Sam's face still, lips so close they were almost on Sam's.

"I'm in love with you, too, Dean." Sam said softly, "I was so afraid you'd leave in disgust or treat me like the perverted bastard I was. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, even as a brother. I had to have you love me in some way, even if it was different than how I loved you."

"Sammy!" Dean said happily, his heart feeling much lighter now.

Sam pulled him in the rest of the way to him, one hand pulling his brother's face closer to his own. Their mouths met and sought entrance, and once gained, their tongues met and tangled. Their kiss deepened quickly now and their bodies rubbed into each other, their moans escaping as their desires for each other roared through their blood now. Dean forced himself to stop, knowing Sam must still be suffering from his rape. "Wait, Sammy." Sam stopped and looked confused, his hazel eyes blown wide with desire. "We should, damn I can't believe I'm saying this! We should wait before we…go any further."

"You don't want me? You don't…but you said…" Sam was crying again, "It's because I went with her, isn't it? I was a…I was a whore." Sam tried to get away now, "I did it for you, Dean. To save you! I'm sorry. I guess I can understand if you find me…well, used goods now." Sam sat down on the side of the tub now, heart breaking. He had finally got Dean to admit he loved him and then lost him because he had made himself too dirty for him to want, "Don't…please! Don't…I know I deserve it but please don't leave me!" Sam looked down again, "I'll just be your brother now, if that's what I have to take."

Dean sat down next to him and forced him to look at him. "No, you didn't deserve what happened to you, never say that again. I will beat you down if you say that again. I never said that, you did. I meant I don't want you as a brother, Sammy. I want you as my…well, my lover, my man, so to speak."

"But you said…" Sam stuttered, confused again. This whole thing confused him.

"I meant we should wait until you are ready and have dealt with the rape first." Dean said sighing, "I don't want to traumatize you any further by…making love or incest or whatever it is we'll be doing."

"So you still want me? Even though I was with someone else?" Sam was relieved, Dean did still want him! He was just trying to give him time to get past…her.

"Of course I still want you. I've never loved or wanted anyone more." Dean said and kissed him gently, eyes loving Sam now. "I just figured you might need time to get over the rape before we…well, you know." Dean blushed here and Sam smiled in wonder, Dean never blushed! "So it won't get in the way of our first time being as amazing as I want it to be for both of us. I've never done this with a guy before and I'm sure you haven't, have you?" Sam shook his head, blushing, too, now. "I'm just worried about you and think you need to talk to someone about it, deal with it. Maybe Bobby or Missouri? I'll listen if you want me to, if you'll trust me to help you. There's no pressure about the other stuff, Sammy."

"You'd wait to…you'd wait for us to…" Sam searched for the words, "to make love?"

"Yes, Sam, I'll wait. I'd wait as long as you need me to. I've waited all my life for you to love me so I can wait longer. The rest of our lives if I have to." He kissed Sam softly again, "You're worth waiting for, Sammy."

"What about the others? The women and the others you have sex with? Does that mean you'll still be with them?" Sam shook his head, "I would rather be with you before I was ready than have you fucking anyone else. I can't share you now. If you're with me, you are with me only!"

"No one else, Sammy, ever again. Just you. They were just poor substitutes for you anyway. I'll wait for you, Sam, until you're ready. All I ask is still be mine, even without that other part. I just want you to be mine right now, in here." Dean said putting a hand over Sam's heart, "Sex isn't important as knowing we belong to each other now." Dean said pulling Sam close, holding him.

"I do want to wait." Sam admitted. He could still feel her on his skin. He didn't want to feel her there when he was with Dean. He really needed to wait. "But we can still do other stuff, right?"

"Like what?" Dean said smiling as Sam pulled him into a deep kiss which Dean melted into but let Sam end it when he felt it had went as far as he was comfortable with.

"Kissing, cuddling and telling me you love me as often as you want to. That would be a good start." Sam said softly, standing up and pulling Dean up with him. Sam led him to the bed where they crawled under the covers, cuddling around each other as they fell asleep.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

True to his word, Dean drove to Bobby's where they stayed in their old room together while Sam worked with Bobby and Missouri to work through the rape and tried to overcome the touch repulsion and memories of her forcing him to be with her and cum, even though he hadn't wanted to.

Dean held him, kissed him, told him he loved him, and he waited. He didn't pick up anyone else like he used to nor did he seek release with them. He saved it for Sam, who was waiting for him, too. They could wait. After all, they had been waiting for each other all their lives, so they figured they could wait longer.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

It was three months later.

The hunt was going well. Sam was doing well so Dean was happy. He had been careful about not touching Sam like she had, trying to let him heal and not trying to cause him to cringe or flinch at the memory of 'her'.

They had also found the skeleton of the old man. He had been killing people who moved into his old house. He had found his wife cheating on him and then killed her for it. Dumb ass tripped in the woman's blood and fell down the stairs. It had broken his neck and killed him. Ironic really. Just desserts even. Unfortunately anytime a woman, any woman, moved in and that included mothers, sisters, children, etc. , she was killed in a tragic 'accident'. There had been four so far, all had died falling down the stairs like he had, every last one of them.

The cops said they were tragic accidents. The boys thought they were idiots. All dying in the same exact way and all women, not a single male, nah, that wasn't even remotely suspicious there, of course not. So they lied their way in as FBI. Soon after the lady of the house was attacked and they saved her, getting her out of the house and to their motel room, with her three kids in tow. After warning her to mind the salt line, they went looking for the bastard's bones. His grave was unmarked, and, wow, wasn't that a shocker! They managed to find some relatives that knew where the body was buried since they had buried it there to begin with. Maybe they should have salted and burned it first, the boys wished more people would think of that and it would save them a lot of trouble later, especially with homicidal creeps like this guy!

A lot of salt, a lot of oil, getting the crap beat out of them, feeling tossed like one of Sam's salads, and a match later, the bastard was _finally_ dead. They refilled the grave after, sent the family home, and went back to rest in their room. Then Dean went to shower, he was covered in grave dirt and salt. It was even in his ears! He stripped down then went into the bathroom to shower. Sam was emailing Bobby about the ghost.

"Be out soon, gotta get Casper's dirt off me." Dean said, wrapping a large towel around his waist.

"Okay." Sam said and smiled. He was covered in dirt, too, and some salt. "Think you salted me, Dean." Sam said brushing some off his arm. It itched like crazy.

"At least I didn't burn you." Dean teased and Sam laughed.

"You always burn me, Dean. You usually just leave out the salt." Sam said, taking his shot. He was ready finally and he just had to let Dean know he was.

"I'll avoid the salt next time then." Dean teased, hiding the sudden knot inside his chest. Was that a signal or was just Sam teasing back? He wasn't sure. He felt like he was losing his breath, holding it, and apparently becoming a permanent statue that was stuck holding onto the cold bathroom sink. Sam saw Dean freeze and knew Dean wasn't sure what he had meant. Sam decided he would just have to show him. So he got up and walked toward Dean. He walked past him to turn on the water for them.

He came up behind Dean and turned him to face him, leaned in and said, "I'm ready, Dean." He tried to say it gently but Dean still looked dazed.

"Are you sure? No feeling her, just…me?" Dean asked as his hands ghosted along Sam's arms and sides.

"I'm sure. She's gone. I just want you now. I need to feel you there now, loving me like we both want you to." Sam said and pressed himself gently into Dean then giving him a ewwww! Look. "After we shower first, of course. You're gross, Dean." He smiled seductively at Dean though, taking the sting from his words. He really did feel gross with all that dirt all over him, and some salt as well. Sam hadn't been the only one salted, not to mention the crusting blood on his cheek there.

Dean smiled back, smudging a finger through the layers of dirt and salt on Sam's neck. "Pot, Kettle, Sammy." Sam nodded and pulled Dean into the shower. Dean let the shower wash most of the muck off of him while Sam washed him with their body wash. Sam went slow doing it, like he never wanted to stop touching him and Dean got hard from Sam's attention but made no moves. They had done this before; Sam was comfortable with this part. It was the rest of it Dean was worried about.

Sam put down the cloth while still touching Dean who was still doing his statue impersonation. Sam's hands traveled down, caressing Dean's lips and face, then his neck, chest, abs, and softly touched his shaft with his fingertips. Dean's breath sped up. The touches were different now, more confident. Sam knelt down and wrapped a hand around him, stroking him slowly. His mouth hovering over the head.

"Sammy…?" Dean asked, his hand coming down to touch Sam's hair. Sam took the head into his mouth, gently sucking it then worked his way down carefully. He hadn't done this before but had seen it done in pornos. It had looked easy enough, in theory. He stopped but Dean's hand stayed in his hair, gently running fingers through it. "You okay, Sammy?" Dean asked worried, not pushing Sam to go further, not wanting him to get scared but damn that had felt good! He wanted more but wouldn't push for it. He loved Sam so Sam had to decide how far this went.

"It's just…" Sam blushed, "I haven't done this before. I don't want to mess up." He ducked his head.

"You could never mess this up, baby. I love you too much for that to happen. Just do what you're comfortable with." Dean wouldn't force him to do this if he changed his mind. He was rewarded with that '1,000 Watt' totally happy, 'head over heels in love' smile.

"I love you, Dean." Sam said taking Dean into his mouth again.

"I love you, too, Sammy." Dean said and moaned, his hand now guiding Sam gently along his length. "Suck a little harder, baby. Run that tongue along it, especially along the bottom of it." Sam obeyed and Dean lost all thought but that of Sam's mouth on him. Damn that felt even better! "Feel so good, Sam, that feels…" Dean moaned louder now, his hips thrusting deeper into that mouth; he was so close now! "Baby, too close! In you, on you, or mouth, Sammy please? I'm too close!" Dean fought to slow down the orgasm and failed, "Cumming soon. Slow down or I'm going to go now, Sammy." Dean pleaded, he wanted this to be good for Sam, hell, for both of them. He damn sure wanted Sam to do this again sometime, he had a damn talent for it!

"Mouth, I want to drink you." Sam said taking him into his mouth again sucking him harder now, like Dean had said to before. Dean tasted so good, his skin had a spicy taste, a 'Dean' flavor all his own.

"Damn, Sammy! Think I _really_ love you now!" Dean moaned happily and gasped, "Relax your throat, Sam, all the way, I'm cumming!" Sam tried and Dean's hand rubbed Sam's throat, helping it relax. They both worked Dean deeper into it and then Dean came shouting, his hips thrusting into Sam's mouth while Dean's hand held him there, Sam swallowing it all. Dean's breaths were hitching and then caught, and he forgot to breathe for a minute. He came again as Sam did a twist to his head with his hand and mouth. "Damn, Sam!" He came with that, Sam drinking that too. They leaned into each other afterward, kissing softly.

"Love you, Dean." Sam sighed happily.

"Love you, too, Sammy." Dean said softly, happy to have Sam in his arms this way finally.

"Dean, will you…" Sam blushed and struggled to find the words, "Will you make love to me now?" Dean nodded and smiled. He took the soap and washed Sam now, Sam's eyes closed as Dean's hands gently washed him then took Sam into his mouth, sucking him until he was also thrusting deeper into Dean's mouth and moaning. He was soon cumming as well and Dean drank him down. Dean moved back up to stand in front of Sam again, kissing him again.

Dean never wanted to stop kissing Sam. It was his favorite thing to do in the world. Everything, the job, the stress, all of it, just fell away when he kissed Sam, just like a flaky shell and left only Sam, His Sammy, and those lips, and that body and those eyes! He loved looking into those eyes. And that heart, so full of love that matched his own for Sam, just for Sam. He only wanted Sam, only loved him. He was all Dean had ever or would ever love or need in this life or any other beyond it. So, yeah, he could kiss Sam forever, if he could. He was addicted to kissing Sammy, his brother, his lover, his mate. They kissed their way to the bed, kissing along each other's necks and jaws, hands desperately touching everywhere they could reach, overwhelming their control.

"You or me?" Dean managed to moan out, their groins were rubbing, their hips thrusting into each other and their bodies seemed to be trying to absorb each other through their skins.

"Huh?" Sam got out, trying to understand the question. He couldn't add 1 plus 1 right now, at gun point. He would have got 12 if he had. He was that far gone in desire for Dean and thought wasn't even possible right now. He did however find the ability to consider the 12 thing. He could only think of Dean. Dean touching him. Dean kissing him. Dean's body against his…Dean inside him making love to him. He wanted this.

Dean was his '12'. Dean was his answer. Dean was always his answer, always had been. "12" Sam said slowing down to touch Dean's face and those sexy lips. "You're my 12."

"Explain?" Dean managed, Sam was trying to tell him something here and it was important to him, so Dean wanted to hear it.

"I was just thinking that I want you to make love to me so bad right now that if I tried to add 1 plus 1, I would probably get 12. I'd get 12 every time." Sam said stroking him softly, keeping Dean hard for him while he made this point, "For everything, that meant anything in our lives, if we added it all together, I'd get you, Dean, where you're concerned, 1 plus 1 isn't 2, it's 12. Take all the crap and all the good, add them, and the answer isn't a big mess. It's us, you and me. It's you, baby, it's us being together , like this. Loving each other this way. It's all that matters in the end. Dean, you're my 12. You're my forever."

"And you're mine." Dean said laying Sam down, lying down against him, kissing him again. They were both so hard now, so eager to make love. "Damn, I could die happy from just kissing you alone, Sammy, love kissing you!"

"Me too. Want to keep kissing you. In public, in bed, in rooms at Bobby's. Want to kiss you all the time!" Sam admitted.

"Less talk, more Kissing!" Dean demanded softly and Sam smiled, so obediently, if not more than a little smugly, then kissed him again, getting caught up in it again. Soon they were more than ready to make love again but Sam had to ask.

"So you've never…" Sam blushed so prettily, Dean noted. "You've never been with…a guy like…this either, eh?" Sam finally got out.

"No, you said you hadn't, you really haven't?" Dean said and looked worried, "Have you? It's okay if you have, I mean at Stanford and all, I'm sure you had plenty of chances to be with…others, besides Jess…I mean, well, besides girls that is. No kissing or anything like that, huh? Nothing at all?" He looked embarrassed now, "Sure you have, I mean you are so gorgeous and sexy, and perfect sex on legs, and sure you had a chance to kiss a guy or something. Not like me, man-whore extraordinaire. Done everything but the one thing I wish I knew how to do right now." Dean looked at him sadly, "I just don't want to disappoint you when we…finally make love and I know you deserve a good first time and damn this all messed up now, isn't it?" Dean leaned ahead into Sam's shoulder. "I still love you, Sammy."

"First, no I have never done anything remotely sexual with a guy, just you. I have never thought of doing that with anyone, until these feelings for you kicked in and then I couldn't stop thinking about it." Sam said smiling softly, "The only man I've ever wanted anything like this with is you, Dean, just you. At school, I did love you, too, but I figured you didn't feel like that so I tried to work past loving you to trying to love Jess but, well, it didn't work. I had almost talked myself out of it and then you showed up, and tackled me to the floor. I wanted to kiss you and I just…well, we never found our moment, Dean. We had them but we just…ignored them and lost them. Until you came into the shower and that's why I stopped you from leaving then." He looked softly up into Dean's eyes as Dean pushed him down gently again and his face hovered over Sam's again. Sam reached up and brushed through Dean's hair, and stroked his jaw and face tenderly, "I couldn't let the moment go again. I couldn't let you go again, Dean."

"I love you, Dean." Sam said going up on his elbows to kiss him softly, "Never letting you go again."

"Nope. Never. I could get away and you'd never find me again. Nope. Even if I park my Impala in front of your motel room or Bobby's and sat there so you can find me again." Dean smiled happily into his lips. "I could never be far from you, Sammy, I belong here with you. Never going anywhere, ever again, unless you go with me."

"Good, cause I want this with you, just you." Sam said softly, pulling Dean to him, kissing him softly again. Dean chuckled as new joke formed in his mind, 'What do you get when you put two virgins in a motel room? A good night's sleep!' Yeah, not funny but so true. "I'd still like to try, Dean, to be with you is all I've ever wanted. I have to try!" Now he looked nervously up at Dean, and smiled wryly, "We need stuff."

"Like?" Dean asked smiling now. Sam was so cute when he was awkward like this. It was an almost comfortable awkwardness though. They were getting used to each other sexually now so it felt almost like they were finding their grooves with each other again.

"Lube, condoms." Sam said smiling softly.

"Body wash could work, there's an old condom in my wallet, probably expired though." Dean admitted. He hadn't been with anyone in over a year, even before he found out Sam had a secret. They'd been too busy for that, or were they? Yeah, Dean may have been lying to himself again. He'd wanted Sam, even then, since he was sixteen. He'd just ended up screwing every girl he could, just trying to kill that sick little desire. He had hated the thought of how hurt Sam and Dad would have been if they had known he'd felt that way about Sam, so he'd tried to get rid of it, repressed it to the point that he had forgotten he'd felt it…almost succeeding, too. It hadn't worked of course but it had helped bury them enough to forget that they had been there, until Sam's secret had gotten Sam…no, Dean wouldn't say it…hurt.

"Yeah, that would work but do we need the condom? It's only us, always has been, from now on it will be. We don't need one." Sam said, tossing the wallet out of Dean's hands. "Make love to me, Dean. Then I can make love to you. We can do this!" Dean looked down into those hazel eyes, shining with love for him.

Dean smiled and got off of Sam. Sam sighed in disappointment and Dean had to smile. "Just getting the body wash, be right back." Dean said grinning at Sam's expression of confusion. He went into the bathroom and got it. He came back to the bed and sat down there. He thought for a moment. "Could you flip over, on all fours maybe. Might make it hurt less for you." Sam nodded and placed his legs as far apart as he could. He held the cheeks apart when Dean asked him to.

"Such a pretty hole, Sammy. Want to kiss it, too." Dean said, Sam moving his hands so Dean's could take their places. Dean let his fingertip circle it, caressing around the rim there, admiring it. Then leaned in to let his tongue circle it now instead, caressing the rim, then thrusting in, swirling there, and then thrusting it in and out again. He then lubed up his fingers with the body wash, pushing it in slowly, knuckle then pushing the rest of the way in, then adding another the same way, then another, allowing Sam to get past the little pains, then the burning, scissoring them and trying to work him open wider so it would fit him better and not hurt Sam when he thrust in himself. Soon pleasure filled Sam as Dean hit something inside him and fireworks filled his body and head as Dean worked him open now.

Now Sam was moaning and thrusting back onto those fingers, needing more, needing Dean to make love to him now. "Now, Dean." Sam moaned, "Ready, Love!"

Dean used the body wash to lube up and pushed in. Sam hissed at the new sensation while at the same time he felt Dean stretching him, filling him completely and claiming him as his own. Dean stopped at the hiss but Sam begged, "Don't stop, feels good. Just getting used to it. Please make love to me now? Please make me yours. Please move, Dean!" Dean nodded and did as Sam asked. He went slow, kissing and touching Sam's bottom and back, gradually moving faster until he was stroking Sam while he made love to him. They soon were lost in each other, moaning and breathing harshly, breathes catching and bodies thrusting and unable to stop.

They came seconds apart a short while later with the most intense orgasms they had ever had, leaving them shaken and spent.

Sam collapsed on the bed and Dean caressed his body, pulling him close and kissing him softly. They now faced each other and cuddled with their bodies pressed together, fitting so perfectly together like two halves of the same whole they really were. "I love you so much, Sammy." Dean said, his eyes gazing deeply into Sam's hazel ones.

"I love you, too, Dean." Sam said, also staring into Dean's green ones.

"No more secrets, Sam. For either of us. Promise?" Dean asked, "Love you forever, Sammy."

"No, no more secrets." Sam promised, "I'll love you for forever, too."

"You're my '12', too, Sammy." Dean said, feeling tired and very happy now.

"And you'll always be mine, Dean." Sam said as he pulled Dean closer so he could lay his head in the crook of Dean's neck, Dean's arms tightening around him, pinning him there. Sam smiled and inhaled his brother's scent and sighed happily as well, pinning Dean to him as well now. Then they fell asleep in each other's arms and they were the only ones felt on each other's skins, no one else; the Vampire bitch long forgotten now.

They belonged to each other…finally.

Xxxxxxxxx

Dean snuck out early the next morning. He bought two gold bands from a jewelry store and some white roses, two dozens of them. He snuck back into the room and waited for Sam to wake up. When he saw Sam waking up, he ran over and knelt by the bed so Sam would see him as soon as his eyes opened.

Sam woke up smiling and reaching for him, and kissed him softly, "Morning, baby." Then tried to pull him back onto the bed, stating, "You are overdressed, Dean, for what I had in mind." Dean blushed and cleared his throat and held out the roses to Sam, smiling softly.

"Love you, Sammy." Sam let go of Dean and took them, smelling them and smiling like a love-struck girl but not able to help himself and wouldn't have been able to stop himself if he had wanted to. Dean grinned happily back at him, eyes shining as he held out a black velvet box. Sam took the box smiling and sat the roses to the side, opening it. His eyes went wide at the matching gold bands, each with a small diamond in them, a really barely noticeable one. They were the thick kind of wedding bands. Gold versions of Dean's silver ring he always wore.

"They're engraved, baby." Dean said softly, taking one out to show Sam. "My Sammy Forever, Love, Dean." Then asked, "Marry me, Sammy?"

"Yes!" Sam said with a big smile and shimmering tears in his eyes. He held out his hand and Dean slipped the ring onto Sam's finger, kissing him softly and saying, "Just us, baby, me and you. Love you for the rest of my life, Sammy."

Sam took out the other and asked Dean, "Marry me, Dean?" Dean nodded happily, grinning widely and eyes glowing with love for His Sammy. It said, "My Dean Forever, Love, Sammy". Sam slipped it onto Dean's finger and kissed him also, pulling him onto the bed now. "Gonna be yours for the rest of my life too. I love you, too, Dean." Both their eyes were tearing up now and soft as they cuddled together now.

"I can't see forever without you, Sammy." Dean said kissing him softly. "I'm yours."

"You're right, Dean. There is no forever without you either." He looked over Dean's face and body then said,"You're not mine yet, but you will be, Dean." He kissed Dean hard and pulled Dean's shirt over his head, the kissing down his body , working his pants undone and working his shoes off, then they worked together to get his pants off quickly.

Sam pulled Dean up to him again and kissed him, then Dean kissed down Sam's neck and jaw and lower until he had taken him into his mouth, and sucked him hard, getting him ready to make love to Dean now. Sam put Dean onto all fours and worked him open, taking the time to kiss his hole like Dean had done for him, and used the body wash as lube again, working Dean open, getting him past the discomfort and the burn, getting him to the pleasure part. Once Dean was thrusting back onto the fingers and moaning for more, he knew Dean was ready.

Then Sam pushed in and let Dean adjust to the new size inside him and worked him back to the pleasure again. Then he went slower and then faster, making love to Dean, taking his time to touch and do what Dean had done for him. He made love to Dean as completely as he could and they came together, both moaning and panting, fireworks shooting through their heads and bodies again. Then they cuddled together afterward, Dean feeling that he now had no doubts that Sam really loved him and had claimed him as his forever as well. "Yours." Dean said cuddling closer now, never wanting to leave his arms or this bed again. "Forever 12."

"Forever 12." Sam agreed, then smiled as their stomachs growled. They got up and dressed reluctantly, stroking each other's bodies as the other dressed.

"I like you naked, baby." Dean said regretfully, happy to starve to death as long as he had his naked Sammy next to him. "So worth starving to death, lover."

"I like you naked, too, Dean." Sam sighed contemplating the whole starving to death thing as opposed to having a naked Dean by him as well and found it sounded really good to him, too.

Their stomachs argued their points again, making them laugh. Dean pulled Sam out to the car, kissing him against the passenger door while the others stared at them then went to the driver's side. They both got in and Dean held up his free arm, Sam slid over and under it, cuddling against Dean now as they drove to the diner. They parked and went in, holding hands and sat next to each other in the booth, kissing and holding hands again.

"What can I get you boys?" The waitress asked, smiling while she look at them and thought that it was such a waste of good-looking men, what a pity. Gay and taken, if the rings were any indication.

"Two coffees, Grand Slam for me, eggs, bacon, hash browns, wheat toast. Him, too." Dean ordered and both men smiled up at her, dimples flashing and wide smiles, such sexy lips! She was tempted to ask if they were open to a threesome, she could share if they could.

"Coming right up." She said, walking away to get the coffee.

"I'm gaying you up in public, Dean." Sam teased, kissing Dean again. "How's that make you feel?" Dean could tell Sam was teasing.

"Well, as long as it's you, Sammy," His eyes swept along Sam's face and body, leering, "I don't mind at all."

"Mmmm, I like that answer, baby." Sam said and sipped the coffee she had brought while they were kissing; they hadn't even noticed. They ate their meals and headed back to their room where they made love again, showered, then did it all over again. They even managed to remember to buy lube this time, thanks to Sammy's thoughtful reminder to stop for some on the way back. They stayed for two more days and only left because Bobby called them with a case. They were okay with that, too. As long as they had each other, they knew they would be okay.

Ruby had tried, Azazel had tried, and, hell, even Lucifer had tried, but no one got Sam but Dean. Sam would always be Dean's and Dean would always be Sam's.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

They hunted and, strangely enough, lived long enough to take over Bobby's yard when he passed. They wore their rings, never taking them off, even in death. They sat close and held hands. They kissed in public, beating the living crap out of any bastard dumb enough to bash them for it. They sat too close in the car, taking turns driving and cuddling.

They didn't care what the others thought, they had each other. They loved each other that way for the rest of their lives.

They were '12'.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx


End file.
